For starters...

So, this year feels incredibly different from the rest.  I was never one to make resolutions, but when I did I never truly stuck to any of my goals.  A lot of people are against making resolutions, but I feel that whenever January comes along, it's like a fresh start, even though it's technically just another day.

 This year I found myself reflecting on my life.  I'm 35, going on 36 and have accomplished and failed in many avenues of my life.  My accomplishments I hold on high, smiling and relishing in the fruits of my successes.  I made a life for myself away from what I was comfortable in and have built a foundation of friends and family. I spent my twenties traveling around the country. I went to college and graduated with honors.  I married a wonderful man who completes me in all aspects of life; happiness, sadness, fun, anger, laughter, family and incredible love.  He has given me two of the most beautiful baby girls any mother could ever ask for.  Seriously, they are beautiful.  I'm living the dream of being a momma.

Scarlett Na'auali'i, my first born 

Simone Manau'iokeakua, my second born

In my failures, I have so many regrets and anger towards myself, scolding my inner feelings for getting the best of me and kicking myself for not getting over my fears.  I've always wanted to play the piano.  I've always wanted to make a record.  I've always wanted to be able to speak without sounding like an idiot.  I've always wanted to be well educated in makeup and how to dress (I could seriously be a contender in What Not To Wear).

 

2 months post-partum, wearing what I usually wear (sad) but the only good

thing about this picture was I was outside of Terminus (Walking Dead reference).

 My biggest failure to date is for almost 5 years I have been struggling to reach my goal of becoming an Elementary school teacher.  If I had known it would be this hard, I would have chosen a major that would be more in demand.  Granted, the market for teachers was not like it is now halfway through my degree, but this is what I've always wanted to do and I do enjoy a challenge.  But I never thought that this challenge would take me this long to win.

2010 with honors and still no job!  WTH?!

Overall, my fears outweigh the accomplishments and I have decided that that has to end now.  I'm heading towards 40 and do not want to live the rest of my life in regret that I didn't do what my heart wanted to do. My family is my first priority, but I notice that my self health falls on the wayside. So, with that I have compiled a list of things I want to do, not only this year, but for years to come.  I will tackle them one item at a time.

1. Become an elementary school teacher
2. Lose the 30lbs I gained during my two pregnancies
3. learn how to dress my athletic, but slightly overweight petite body
4. Learn the art of makeup
5. Record songs to compile to make an album (for me, not for fame)
6. Get back into running
7. Learn the art of cake decorating
8. Learn the piano
9. Be good at making a craft (hawaiian quilts, pillows, children accessories, etc)
10. live a healthy lifestyle

I'm sure I have a ton more I'd like to do, but there's only so much you can do when two little girls take most of my time. 

 I don't know, I guess I'm writing this blog to help me not regret the next 30 years of my life not accomplishing what my heart wants to do.  In the meantime I will continue to truck on, raising these awesome girls and hope I can at least tackle a few of these on my list.  

Here's hoping!